This week we summoned AONT...or tried would probably be a better way to put it. My visions were probably the weakest and most forced I have ever encountered. All I got was the impression of rain, and perhaps a face in the rain as well as one muttered phrase "Write. It will make it clear and help you solve." Then it was gone. No beautiful imagery, no interesting conversation...nothing! I'm disappointed to say the least. There is only one thing that was done differently tonight than what we have done in the past. During the calls, Antares usually kneels next to me to read them. Tonight, while knelt next to me he rested his hand on my thigh. From the moment that he started the first call I could feel the energy flowing from him into me. At first I was incredibly confused. The longer he went, the more intense the feeling got. My entire body began to tingle. I was light headed and eventually my hands were vibrating so strongly that they went completely numb. My mind was racing and my entire body seemed to be almost electrified. That and an over-abundance of incense are what I am contributing to this mediocre experience. I'm going to blame it on not being able to focus. Who knows what will happen next time. I'm very curious now though to experiment a bit with the energies of the calls.
This week we decided to explore the 30th Aethyr. I ended up in the temple once again staring into that black mirror. I sat there chanting the names of the 4 governors of the realm and began to feel the darkness around me change. I could hear footsteps in the distance and far off in the darkness I could see a figure approaching. His face is almost indescribably frightening, almost like an anime villain with huge black eyes and an evil smirk. He was humanoid at least, but all his colors seemed very faded. As he approached I started seeing visions that terrified me, the worst being a vision of my infant son laying on the floor next to his crib crying and then taking his last breath. At that point I almost stood up and left the ritual. I was convinced something was terribly wrong with my son. Was any vision I was going to receive worth risking the fact that this may be a premonition? I wasn't sure what to do and the man kept drawing closer and closer. I began asking him his name and listing the names of the governors but he just continued to smirk and slither closer to me. As he got right next to me, directly in my face, I could feel his breath on my skin. I could feel it's heat and it smelled like rotten garbage. I asked him the last governor's name and he smiled and said "you only wish". I was so terrified that I thought I was going to die. I knelt down into the fetal position and began reciting the names of the governors over and over again. As soon as I started this my feeling of dread for my child's life lifted. I did this for what felt like an eternity before I felt brave enough to lift my hands from my face and look around. Standing in the place of the dark man was a hooded figure with a long white beard. In his hand he held what appeared to be a lantern, but from the top of it was an open flame. I asked him the first 2 governor's names and he just smiled at me. I was beginning to get nervous that I wasn't going to remember the right name but as I said the third name he responded "As you wish" and turned and walked away.
As the man turned and walked away, he began lighting sconces on the walls down the dark hallway and I followed. He was leading me down several darkened corridors that lead to unknown parts of what was obviously a castle or something of that sort. It was a building of large gray brick. Hallways twisted and turned off in the other direction and my guide seemed to know exactly where he was taking us. He made a sharp turn to our left which was almost a complete 180 and I lost sight of him briefly. I jogged a little bit to catch up and found a huge spiral staircase. I just barely caught a glimpse of his robe as he turned the corner and so I ran up the rest of the stairs because I was terrified of what may be waiting for me in the darkness behind. I tried to stay focused in front of me so that I didn't lose site of my guide, but also because the lights seemed to go out as soon as I walked past them so I couldn't see behind me anyway, so there was no reason to look back too often. As I reached the top of the spiral staircase I saw the man reach up his lantern to a place high up on the wall far above where I could reach. From there I saw a pit of light ignite and rush down the walls parallel to each other and meeting at the far end of an enormous room. There a fireplace caught on fire. The fireplace was in the form of an open dragon's mouth. There were teeth both above and below the flame, and the face of the dragon sort of faded into the darkness leaving the actual appearance up to my imagination. After admiring the very impressive fire show that I had just witnessed I began to take notice of where I was. I was in what appeared to be an enormous library (think beauty and the beast, only not nearly as brightly lit). The room was 2 stories at least that I could see. The first story was books from the floor all the way up to the line of fire. Above the line of fire was a fenced balcony and the second floor was books all the way from the floor of that balcony as high as I could see into the darkness. The room was still not very brightly lit so I could not read any of the titles of the books. I could only tell that they were very old and counted in the thousands at least. I was speechless for a long while before I was able to think of something productive to say. I asked him "What is all this?" He responded "This is yours. This is the wisdom held within you. It is yours to grasp and obtain at whatever rate you are able to. We can help you, but you will have to do most of the work for yourself." I then asked him "What do I need to do to obtain all this wisdom then?" His response wasn't what I was expecting at all...he simply said "First, you need to organize it all." As he said that, every book in the room fell to the floor into a mountain of paper and binding. I didn't know where to start or what to do. I wasn't sure of each book had a specific "category" or if they simply needed alphabetized. I voiced these concerns and he responded "That is for you to figure out." He turned and seemed like he was going to walk out of the room, so I grabbed the first book and he told me "Oh, and don't forget to clean out the cage over there".
"Cage? What cage??"
I didn't like the way that sounded at all. I wasn't up for fighting any beasts, and really didn't want to mess with any critters in the dark at all. I headed in the direction he had pointed and found a dark box the size of an orange crate. My first thought was of Pandora's box, and that instilled fear within me. I didn't want to mess with it at all, but I knew that at the very least I had to look inside. I opened the box and inside was a dark black scorpion the size of a chihuahua. I took it out of the box and held it in my hands. I asked the governor what I was supposed to do with it. He handed me a small sharp silver dagger. With only a look I knew what was expected. He told me "This is yours to do with what you will. However, to continue on and obtain our knowledge you will need to conquer this...but do so in your own time." He walked to the corner of the room and stood there watching me, waiting to see what I was going to do. I held the scorpion in my arms and cuddled it to my chest. I could feel it's life flowing through it and into me. I could see the poison on it's spiked tail glistening in the fire light. I could almost hear its thoughts as I held it to my heart. Finally, I took one deep breath and plunged the dagger deep into the life source of the creature. I felt the life drain out of it quickly and it did not even try to defend itself. It was almost as if it knew it's life was at an end. Even though it seemed nothing I felt as though a part of me had died. My insides were on fire and I could barely breath. I felt like I needed to curl up in a ball and cry, or just lay down and die, but I knew that I couldn't. The body quickly turned into a powder in my hands and then erupted into a ball of flame which lit the room brighter than ever. The light flew to the ceiling and illuminated the room so I could finally see clearly. The books were clean and stacked neatly in piles all around the room but the thing that caught my eye most of all was above the fire place. There hung a full portrait of Athena in full armor looking fierce, and proud. I was admiring the work of art when she turned and looked at me. She said "We are incredibly proud of you." I was a little blown away by the fact that the art was talking to me. You would think after all that had happened I would be beyond the point of being surprised by anything, but here it was again. She continued to look down upon me from high above and spoke with me at great length. She told me that she would help me to obtain all the wisdom in the room, and far beyond what any room could obtain, but that I would have to be strong, wise, and stay by her side. She gave me some comforting words, telling me once again that she was proud of the woman I was becoming, and that she will help me rise to a place that isn't even visible from where I am now. The one thing she told me though that stuck with me the most is this: "Together, you and I are as one. Your pain is my pain, as is your love. Your wisdom, your heart, your family are all just as much mine. I will love your loved ones with the more ferocity than anyone can imagine, and any who chooses to be your enemy shall have to face the wrath of Athena." I was honored and felt so special and important After that my vision faded away. I realized I was back in the temple with Seth at my side. It was a long journey that left my heart hurting and my head pounding, but I survived. I guess I am no longer the scorpion, but Athena is still by my side despite it all. Who knows what the future will hold?
This week was the scrying of EHNB from the Table of Union. EHNB is the "Angel of Spirit" so to speak. The visions I got were amazingly beautiful. I was in a cathedral or a temple. There was seating lined up down both sides of the dark wooded isle, but they were not your normal "pews". They were similar I guess, but seemed to be more comfortable and welcoming with soft burgundy cushions. The ceilings were amazingly high vaulted with a glass top that opened up to the dark sky full of stars and the moon.The walls on either side of me each had 6 enormous stained glass windows on them depicting the Olympian gods in one story or another. They were the most beautiful images I think I have ever seen. In the front of the building was an altar set up similar to what I imagine an actual "formal" Druid ritual would look like, and on the back wall behind it (where the cross would go in a church) was a tree that was constantly moving and growing, but it seemed to be a part of the wall, so much so that I couldn't tell where the wall ended and the tree began. The tree looked like a work of art that was growing, breathing, and moving. Needless to say, I spent a lot of my time just looking around trying to take in all the details that were there. When EHNB showed up I could his presence immediately in a way so much different than the others have been thus far. For the others it was almost like a wave of emotion, or a cool breeze. Something calming and loving. This, however, was an intense pressure. Not painful or necessarily unpleasant, but definitely very strong, steady, and constant. I could feel it mostly in my head, like someone had pressed their palm into my forehead and was trying to hold me down. EHNB didn't really have a form. There were no defining features whatsoever, however I knew that he was masculine anyway. Once we began speaking there was absolutely no doubt who I was speaking with. His voice was the most interesting and intimidating thing I have ever heard. The easiest way to explain it is that if Gregorian monks could talk the way they chant/sing then this would be their voice. Our conversation was brief and to the point, and I kept getting distracted by the amazing temple that I was present in. He told me that emotionally/personally I am working on what I need to be working on, and to continue doing what I was doing. Spiritually he thinks I am headed down the right path and that I will "learn what I need to learn, experience what I need to experience, and end up exactly where I am supposed to end up".
This week we decided to visit with HCOMA, the essence of water from the Tablet of Union. This is the element which I am the most comfortable with, so I was very interested to see the results. I did the consecration of the space, which always feels slightly awkward, but it takes practice. Once again, I knelt in my corner, eyes focused on the darkness of the mirror, and listened to Seth chant while the visions began to come. The scene started on a rocky edge near the ocean. The water was crashing against the rocks spraying me with mist when she appeared. The first thing she noticed is that I was wearing my slippers. Yeah, I know, not proper ritual attire, but it was cold and I refused to get barefoot. Anyway, she was the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She had a dark blond/light brown hair and was wearing a flowing blue gown that seemed like it was a part of the water. Her eyes though were the thing that I noticed the most. They were absolutely amazing. They started out as a deep ocean blue...then it was as if a storm rolled in and they changed to a misty gray....then the storm went away and they were the deep green of a swampy pond. It was insane. The scenery behind her was also changing constantly. We would be standing in the forest in the rain...then we would be sitting in the lake....then jumping in puddles as a little kid. I asked her the typical questions. How do you sound (running river, splashing ocean, thunderstorms), how do you smell (ocean breeze, fresh rain, the smell of my grandma's humidifier when I was a kid), how do you feel (a splash of water to the face followed by a wave of emotion). When I asked her what she needed/wanted from me, she told me that she wanted to help me cleanse myself of my anger and to be able to feel refreshed and clear.
So this explanation seems rushed, but my brain is still running with thoughts. I am grateful that I was able to experience this again. Hopefully it continues to go this smoothly.
This week we summoned BITOM, the fire elemental from the Tablet of Union. I was hesitant to do so for a couple reasons. First, I honestly don't think I am over my first experience with NANTA and second, fire scares me. It is an element that I'm not super comfortable and goes completely against my water nature. But nonetheless, I found myself once again at Seth’s side. The ritual itself went just like the last one. However, the encounter was different in so many more ways than I can explain. NANTA was completely void of vision for me. BITOM was anything but. The colors were almost neon and sometimes appeared so bright that it was blinding. I had to avert my eyes. NANTA was very welcoming and loving, where as BITOM seemed passionate and short-tempered. Also, NANTA seemed to "appear" as her own entity, whereas BITOM seemed to reach into my brain and steal images to project himself. I'll start at the beginning. As I was fading into my vision I could feel the back of my neck and head begin to grow warm and then it almost felt like it was burning, but not quite painful. Eventually it faded to a dull ache. I closed my eyes to try to clear my thoughts and once I re-opened them, I was sitting in a place very familiar to me looking at a face that was too familiar. I was standing on the edge of the trees at the lake where I grew up staring at the face of a friend that died several years ago. Seeing his face alive and well shocked me so much that I wanted to run away, or scream, or burst into tears, .but I didn't know which so I just stood there for a little while staring with tears running down my face. After the initial shock wore off, I began the "normal" questions. What do you look like (the flickering of flames, the rising of the sun, a candle burning, etc...lots and lots of images)? What do you smell like (at first it smelled like a dark black smoke, but then it faded into a great wood burning smell like my grandparent's fireplace when I was a kid)? What do you feel like (he reached out to touch me, so I reached out my hand and he scalded my finger. It STILL hurts but I don't know if it is all in my head)? And finally I asked him "What do you sound like?" For me, this response was even more shocking than his appearance as my friend. He stated "I can sound like this" and I heard the gentle crackling of a camp fire, "or like this" and I got visions of a house burning down. I could hear the roaring fire and see the flashing lights as people tried desperately to save the home that was once mine. I could hear the creaking of the wood and the roaring of the flames more than anything. I tried to look away, but it was as if I was frozen. Finally, the house collapsed into the basement beneath it and the vision faded away. However, instead of being at a gentle campfire, we were sitting at the top of a volcano with lava pouring down all around us, burning down forests and houses without discrimination. My heart was broken and I felt as if I had been torn to shreds by all the painful things I had seen, but I was determined to finish what I had started, so I asked him what it was that he believed I needed to work on. He told me several beautifully poetic things, but the one thing I remember most is this "Fire is destructive and painful for you, but you can learn a few lessons from me. You have passion, and for that I welcome you into my heart. However, confidence and determination are the two things I see lacking. When a fire begins, it is usually small and inconspicuous. It is only through hard work and perseverance that the fire can grow and spread. It can eventually get to the point that only physical interference can stop the will of fire, and even then it is not easy. You're stubborn, I can see that, but you have little faith in yourself, so it makes it much harder for us to have faith in you. You're here. That in and of itself should say alot." I am sure that isn't word for word, but that is the gist of what I can remember.
Enochian Tablet -- Chanting/Visual Concentration
Ok, first and foremost I have to explain that I am in no way a great magician. I have no deep knowledge or understanding of the inner working of angels/demons or anything along those lines. I have never practiced any form of Enochian magic until today. My partner has been doing elemental summoning from the Tablet of Union for a while now, and has often expressed a desire to have me do this workings with him because of past experiences we have had doing other things. After a lot of discussion, and some serious thoughts I decided to give in and give it a try. I mean, what was the worst that could happen??